How to get away with heartbreak

This is not drill ! Remain composed and ran out of there with your head held high . Please wipe away those tears no one must know what is happening.Yes the shock is finally kicking in , you have no idea where you are or how you got there but all you know is your heart is about rip your chest off and walk away from you.I don’t know how to tell you this but you have just experienced a heartbreak. Don’t panic and slowly back away from your phone .If possible switch it off completely. No darling , they are not going to call you and try to work things out well it depends on which break up song was your background music in that sad moment .If its another Taylor Swift track then maybe they will call but worst case scenario  is an Adele playlist with a hint of Sam Smith then darling we need a lot tape and glue to stick back the broken pieces of your shattered heart .

Wash your face with cold water and lay down. Its OK Linda went through the worst breakup ,in the history of heartbreaks yours will seem like two adorable kittens fighting. She was able to get over it and move on with her new sweetheart of a prince charming .Guess what they even got married .That was such a lovely moving and inspiring  story .Now you are thinking if Linda could find love after such a heartbreak so can I . I am so sorry but the truth is there is no Linda ,life doesn’t hand out easy and free happily ever afters .What you do next in these 24 hours will determine whether your life will continuously became a cautionary tale of  “do not end up like that person” or you will became the closest thing we will ever get to a real life fairy tale .

Crying , screaming your lungs out  and shouting at any living thing next to you is understandable . Let every negative emotion out .Do not touch that phone though .The moment you do , you will  fall into the five steps of desperation. Sadly they always start with you trying to make everyone understand what happened .Gradually followed by checking if there is anyway to resuscitate your just ended relationship by begging , blackmailing and reminiscing the good old days .This has 50/50 chance of working but it just pauses an inevitable outcome .When it all  fails you go back to pleading your case to everyone again praying that someone takes your side. In the end despair, embarrassment and regret backed up by reality will pay you a long overdue visit. Leading to all your happy moments  becoming nightmares that won’t let you forget.

After going through all these emotions are you ready for the truth .None of your friends or family will ever tell you this but there is 90% chance you caused your own heartbreak .Now before you stop reading and start thinking how dare you say that , let those words sink in as I explain .Firstly what do you think causes breakups , cheating , the never ending lies or getting disrespected the list will go on forever.No was is watching you ,so lets be honest with ourselves.That long list has the same main ingredient  being unhappy which is sometimes joined by its side kick no longer interested .Then you wonder ,how is it mostly our fault ?

1.We fall in love with our Brains
I mean with all these rom com movies and publicly displayed scripted relationship goals by the celebrity couples we stalk and ship for. It was bound to happen now our minds have built these ideal perfect partners that only exist in our minds and we manifest these fake ideologies on our unsuspecting  partners.As we want them to be what “WE “want them to be and not who they really are. These relationships can last for a very long time as long as our imaginations keep shielding us from truth but reality will come raining on our parade and everything is brought to light . Now that our partner’s real character is not what we saw in our minds and we tell ourselves we won’t settle for nothing less but perfection .You should know that it doesn’t exist and it will only lead to another self induced heartbreak .P.s that could have been your match but because you didn’t give them a real chance you will never know.

2.We fall in love with Unicorns

Just like how in a fiction sense unicorns are magical creatures which are rarely seen so can be said about a love that we have never experienced as children or even as adults .This non existing love left holes in our hearts were self worth was supposed to move in . So we look for the one who will love us in a way that will fill every gap in our hearts and heal every scar with tales of rejection .To be the love we never received , a love we need and a love that makes us whole.If you haven’t figured it out yet that type of love only  appears in telenovelas .So unless you live in one ,its time to throw in the towel for that love doesn’t exist .No one will ever be able to play a role that they were not cast for ,they can only stick to their own script .They  will not be able to erase all your bad memories and help you move forward unless you do.You are the one that needs to love yourself and know you are worthy of happiness and joy .Whoever falls in love with you and you with them must add on to  whats already there and not be given a job to build you up from scratch.Its unfair to them because that’s not what they signed up for and even to you for they will never be what you desire . Be your own hero .

3.We fall in love with Fairy tales
When you read so many books your mind is flooded with these amazing stories of people with the ability to change a bad attribute of another person revealing a softer side which they fall in love with and sail off to a nice island.The real story is in the small print which they forget to mention , that people only change when they want to .There is a very tiny chance that you can met a player and just by being  a nice loving person change them to became the spokes-model for commitment.If so by now all the nice girls and boys who have ever taken a chance on players should be in wedding bliss  or a few steps away from it .In reality most good people with these beliefs have experienced the most heartbreaks.Be honest with yourself , know and understand what you are getting into .Love can conquer anything but it doesn’t mean you need to give yourself false hope.If someone will change ,allow them to do so on their own terms .Getting into a relationship believing that you have the power to turn someone into the perfect partner only leads to more tears and disappointment .

4.In love with someone else’s  Relationship 

There is always that one couple who are goals .They set the pace , steps and trends which hypnotizes everyone into a trance of copying what they do religiously . Everyone fails to realize that a relationship is between two people . Every relationship differs because of the two unique individuals involved so whatever they do is a result of days , weeks and months of discovering their own groove .They seem so happy in a way that forces you to want to photocopy their every move and step without a care whether your partner wants to or not. Leading to a lot of pressure being placed on your relationship to be just like them and it results in one thing heartbreak. For you will never find a person will act the way you want them to , so to be like another couple.Wanting your partner to act like someone else means you are not in love with them but the person you want them to act like .Real love is accepting each other and choosing to embrace the good and bad whilst enjoying each other company.Go with the flow and define your love in the best way suited for the both of you . Don’t be hoodwinked  some celebrity couple who might be faking it for all you know.

5.Being too in Love
Loving too hard is a thing and we do it without even realizing it .We want everything to work out so badly that we end up losing our identity and voice so as to make the other person happy .In the end we lose ourselves for the sake of staying in a relationship .You just agree with everything they say or do because who knows if you will ever find someone else again . Unconsciously you will start to sabotage the relationship without even knowing . For your brain will try to force you to wake up from this deadly prison you have locked your identity in.Even though you chose to swipe out your self worth just to remain in the comfort of being in a relationship. Sadly some stupid fight will cause everything to fall apart and you get heartbroken .This time the heartbreak lasts longer because you would have worked so hard and it  still  did not work which means it will hurt even more .

Now you are starting to wonder maybe all this is true then what I can do .Its simple be honest with yourself .Do not place your heart were your brain should be , to make decisions .Love is something that you don’t have to scheme for or work day and night for .Let relationships develop on they own !You do not  have to play the  role of being perfect .Its mentally and emotionally exhausting  .Just embrace imperfect but still unique and amazing you. Stop being an underpaid director who keeps trying to make people audition to be a replicas of people they have never met or don’t even  exist .
Have genuine connections with people. Get to know the real people behind the walls they adjust daily around themselves to hide who they really are.Most importantly never put yourself under pressure to be in a relationship because you might end up walking into a months worth of heartbreak and pain.It is painful to experience heartbreaks at any age. No matter how many you had each one has its own way of biting off large chunks of our self esteem and confidence .So fall in love with yourself daily , enjoy spending time alone and working on yourself. So that when you hit rock bottom the fact that you know you are incredible will block out the anxiety and depression.

Next question: If I do all this and avoid breaking my own heart will I meet the one and never experience another heartbreak again ? Nope there is still that 10%. Though you should know that heartbreaks can happen to anyone,anywhere and at anytime. As long as you don’t cause your own heartbreak and choose to live a life of honesty ,you might just get away with heartbreaks. That will leave you better than when you started the relationship leading you slowly to find someone who will love you for you and you for them .The road will still be long and bumpy .Remain  confident in who you are.For all those nights of staring at the roof and wondering how others do it will lead to a priceless moment . Where you discover the love  worth all the tears and heartaches .So for now I guess you just have to keep kissing the frogs till you met your prince/princess.

From someone cheering you on from afar.